up and down

It's been hard to keep things together for the past 6 months. I can't tell if I am having the time of my life or if it is all just falling apart. My friend with cancer keeps getting bad news, I lost my job, and my car was totaled while parked. I feel like I am trapped at home with nothing to do but think! That can be bad for someone like me. I really just want to be happy. I don't need anything too fancy in life. I would be happy with a decent paying job, a Toyota, my kitty cats, a sweet bf, and my sweet friends! Like Beth Ditto sings "i don't want the world...i just want what i deserve!" I feel that way. Luckily, through all of these frustrating situations I have had wonderful friends there for me. They keep me busy and keep my mind from getting too muddled with the negative. Tomorrow, or well technically today, I have an interview for a job I really want and an appointment to look at a car I really want. It seems like things could really turn around tomorrow. It also opens the door for a lot of potential disappointment. I have always been willing to accept nothing or the worst to avoid disappointment. It is the same mindset that keeps me from dating or going after my dream of being a psychologist. I am scared. I know they are simple things and I am more than capable to do almost any job BUT I have been having a hard time with them lately. Logically, I am awesome. The illogical side of me begs to differ. I am going to be 30 in less than a month. I need to learn it is ok to believe in myself. It is ok to want things. It is possible to get what I want. I deserve a happy life but only I can make it happen.